Friday, December 21, 2007

Calories don't count till January - then they double

I've been working in the kitchen, all my live long days...

Today I have made:
Caramel Popcorn Twists
Nuts & Bolts
Butter Tarts
Buckeyes (the peanut butter ball part anyway)
Toblerone Shortbread
Crab dip
Taco scoop
Spinach dip
Liver spread (don't knock it till you've tried it)
Green onion dip

Still to come:
Bon Ton Tarts
another batch of Toblerone Shortbread
dipping the Buckeyes

Oreo Fudge

I think I've made 6 batches of the Twists. The teachers all got some, I had a secret snack exchange, a batch for the lady who drives Josh and Sarah to is a favourite. And, so freakin' yummy that it should be illegal.

Go ME!!

Wednesday, December 19, 2007


A few years ago, my doctor told me I had fibromyalgia. I had been dealing with this feeling of having run a million miles and my muscles were just aching and I felt like I'd been dragged behind a bus. I wasn't sleeping well. I had no memory. My hands would fall asleep for no reason. I would have to make repeated urgent trips to the loo - delightful...and I would get knock me to my knees headaches from the smell of any aerosol cleaner or heaven forbid, a glade plug in. I remember the babies climbing on my lap and yelping in pain because their little feet hurt me so badly (all 18 lbs of little feet). None of it made a lot of sense. I thought maybe depression? But, my doctor did some investigating and performed a few little touch tests - pressure tests - apparently there are a potential 18 points on the body that would be tender if lightly pressed on - I was in tears.

So, the diagnosis was fibro. The treatment was pain medication and an old school anti-depressant that had a side effect of drowsiness. I played along. For a while. Pretty much poo-pooing the whole thing. I thought it was undermedicated thyroid disease. So, I had my thyroid medicated. Then I had my thyroid removed. Then I medicated some more, cause now I can't live without the stuff. I am still brought to my knees with this out of the blue pain. This strange phenomenon of feeling like I've participated in an Ironman competition - without the medal or the personal best.

I'm having one of these attacks right now. I feel HORRIBLE. I feel like I'm walking in neck deep concrete. I ache. I'm exhausted, but I can't sleep. Pain meds don't really do anything. I want to crawl into a hole, but I can't, cause there's too much to do and too many people to do it for. Christmas is coming. I have things to do. I have things to prepare. The only upside of this thing is that I occasionally get a boost in the evening...but then that just perpetuates the problem. Stay up too late, push my body to do things it's asking me not to do, wake up feeling like a bag of crap. Lather, rinse, repeat.

I would really like to just pretend it's not true. That it isn't happening. That I don't have to deal with it. But, every 6 months or so - it rears it's ugly head and demands to be recognized and attended to. And, I hate it for that.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Christmas Spirit?

Christmas usually brings a whole gaggle of angst. Lots of expectations. Lots of disappointments. And, that's just the stuff I put on myself - never mind going out into the big world. Family relations are expected THIS month - they don't happen any other month, but somehow it always stings more this month. In fact, as I write this I realize that I must've started blogging a year ago. Same theme, same topic...but this year, I'm strangely calm. It is what it is. I've reconciled myself to the reality. Nice feeling. Part of the reconciliation may just come from the move. We're in our new house. I love our new house. I love our new house decorated for Christmas. And, we (me) have decided that there will be no more travel. We will be here. Santa comes here, not to a Super 8. I can throw a turkey in the oven with the best of 'em (thanks to my friend Marguerite's tips). Come one, come all - cause I ain't leavin!

And, I'm on top of things. I've baked and baked and baked and baked. I've wrapped gifts and they're under the tree. I've cleaned. Not that you can tell, but I have. I have my Christmas dinner list and plan on doing things in advance so that when it's time, I can sit and visit and talk and laugh and love and enjoy - I'm looking so forward to that.

By golly, I do believe I'm getting my Christmas Spirit back. It's only taken 9 years. Retail will suck the life out of it and leave it for dead on the side of the road. It's nice to listen to Christmas music IN DECEMBER. It's nice to see Christmas trees IN DECEMBER. It's nice to not have to be yelled at by some yutz who's mad at you because they didn't get their poop in a group. See, almost a decade later and I still start twitching when I think about it. Can you have PTSD from working multiple Christmases?? I love, love, love, being free from that :)

Sunday, December 09, 2007