Maintenance Monday

I'm into semantics.  "Cleaning" makes me feel like I have to start from scratch and frankly, that's just too daunting on a Monday.  So, I've decided that I prefer "maintain".  Indicating that it's been DONE it just needs a little tweaking. 
I worked all weekend, and DH had a photo shoot last night (two models, make up artist, two assistants in my kitchen) - so let's just say it's gonna take some tweaking as opposed to tweaking, but it's still more achievable than that awful word "cleaning".

Bedtime Routines

Every night we sing to the "babies".  We sing the ABC's and Twinkle Twinkle.  Which I'll have you know is the SAME tune!  Who knew?  Sadly, I did not know until my 40th year.  Almost embarrassing to admit.
Tonight, I stepped outside the box and included Deep and Wide and I Will Make You Fishers of Men.  We have a kids CD by Arlen Salte from one of the Breakforth conferences I went to and he does a fun version of both of those songs together - a "mash-up" if you will.  Matthew just loved it and quickly started doing the movements to go with it.  I'd completely forgotten that they'd performed at a preschool concert.  Time to dig that old CD out and start playing it for these guys.

4 kids + Saturday morning = Serenity

 BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!  NOT!

I'm sitting in my CLEAN (still) bedroom, listening to the mass chaos and contemplating a coffee.  Ooooh, I'm gonna try this and see how it goes...
"Hey Sarah, wanna bring mom a coffee?"
That's my girl.  She's doing it!  And she thinks it's a treat!  I'm torn between coughing *sucker* or just saying Thanks.  I suppose thanks will get me a second cup.

DD is still on a cooking kick.  She made pancakes again this a.m. for everyone.  Dad was particularly excited by this turn of events.  I am a lot of things, but a morning person ain't anywhere on that list - so he was thrilled to get a hot breakfast he didn't have to make himself.  I also, shhhh, don't tell anyone, HATE pancakes.  So, when I do make a hot breakfast it must consist of eggs, bacon, potatoes and bread.  Now THAT'S something to wake up for.

And now we've got the Glee soundtrack playing in the living room.  It's almost like organized chaos out there.  It's probably because I'm not there.  I seem to bring the cuckoo out in everyone.  Maybe I'll play my Journey cassette for them later today and they can hear how Don't Stop Believin' is really supposed to sound.  :P

Getting back into the swing of things

I did it.  I reduced my hours to part time!  The first of February was my first day of reduced hours.  What a difference it has already made!

I've reclaimed my home!
I've reclaimed my kids!
I'm reclaiming my marriage!

The older kids have the week off from school and it's been nice to spend some time with them.  Sarah made us pancakes this morning.  Josh is helping with heavy lifting/furniture moving and laundry.  Best thing I've ever done is take a few minutes to show him how to work the washer!  Sarah separates the colours and Josh does the wash.  Then Matthew brings up the baskets of dry clothes and Meghan helps me put them all away.  Almost like team work!

I spent the afternoon shoveling out my pathetic excuse for a Master Bedroom.  It's become a dumping ground - like so many master bedrooms I know.  It houses ridiculous amounts of unfolded/grown out of/out of season/unmatched clothing - so I took the time to deal with it.  Once and for all.  I also moved all of the toys/books/lego that seem to migrate into our space.  Then I moved onto the master bath.  It needed a SERIOUS cleaning.  I'm talking toothbrush in the nooks and crannies kinda SERIOUS.  But, it looks great now and it smells great and I'm tellin' ya....*I WILL NOT LET IT HAPPEN AGAIN*  Especially since I know that it takes a whopping 15 minutes, at the most, to straighten both rooms.

You know what else I did.  I actually stamped a card!  I actually felt like I could stamp a card.  Usually I'm so overwhelmed and undermotivated that I don't feel like I have the right to sit down and do something I enjoy.

It's going to take a while for me to get everything back under control.  I haven't even tackled the basement yet - but it's getting there.  And tomorrow is another day.  A little maintenance and a little motivation is all I need.

Pros and Cons

All that really means, in my head, is a breakdown of the previous year.  Successes, failures, room for improvement.  I'm not necessarily a "resolution" gal, but I am a checks and balances gal and find that I'm monitoring myself throughout the year anyway - this is just an opportunity to sit down and really LOOK.  Kinda like tax time.  Sure, you keep the receipts, but you really only delve into them once a year.

So, what's gone on in 2009?  I worked out of the home for the first time since becoming a wife and mom.  It is very fulfilling.  I enjoy it like I enjoy breathing.  It's sooooooo much easier than being a SAHM.  I just got through my first Christmas back in retail and I survived, singing Christmas carols all the way.  I was pretty anxious about Boxing Day, but then I realized, the last time I worked a Boxing Day was at West Edmonton Mall...you could pack the entirety of Lethbridge into the mall and still have less people than WEM would on Boxing Day.  It was all good.

What else has happened?  My son is 11, my daughter is 8 and my twins turn 5 in a minute and a half.  Wow!  That's just crazy business.

My husband became a photographer.  He is awesome.  www.michaelwarf.com  I guess he actually decided in October of 2008 to pursue photography, but in his typical way, he pursues and accomplishes all at the same time.  He had a few weddings last summer and has a couple booked for 2010.

I, finally, have the majority of my hormonal/medicinal/thyroidal issues dealt with.  Give or take a week of roller coaster every month.  This is in comparison to a week of feeling good.  I'll take the former.

I lost my way.

My family is floundering.

My marriage is on the verge of disintegration.

My home is a shambles.

How many checks on the PRO side do I have now?  Somehow, when those things are on your list, the PRO side becomes decidedly CON.

What do I do about it?  I could keep doing what I'm doing.  Being personally fulfilled and finding contentment outside of these four walls.  But, what about the rest of them?  What do I do about them while I'm feeding my own needs?  That is where the focus needs to be for 2010.  Re-prioritizing.  I'm living this lovely little self-absorbed life right now.  Leaving Michael with the brunt of the responsibility.  Trying to smoosh a week of the important stuff into a two day period.

It's not working.

If I'm pursuing a career outside of the home, who's pursing a career INSIDE the home?  4 kids is a full-time job.  The proper care and feeding of 4 developing human beings is not something I can do in an hour before they go to school and an hour before they go to bed.  Others may be able to.  I can't.

Time to rethink it all.  It's not just about me.  CRAP!  I'm so good at doing things just for me.  But I made the conscious decision to bring these kids into the world and I have to now make the conscious decision to do right by them.  All. The. Time.

Cursed change!

My new doctor

I've been seeing a Dr. in a smallish town 2 hours away from me. He specializes in thyroid disease and complementary medicine. He is an allopath, a dentist, an accupuncturist, a master herbologist, has a designation in chinese medicine and is working towards his full designation as whatever a chinese medicineologist would be called :D

He's doubled my existing thyroid medication. Added in an adrenal supplement as well as B-complex, vitamin C and magnesium. All helpful in healing the adrenals.

Let me just say it again - I LOVE doctors who look beyond the numbers. My numbers tend to suck - so they do look at them, but the regular doctors just never look past the numbers to ask the question "why do they suck so badly?" Why do I swing like a pendulum? Something has to be off, some underlying support system keeps dropping the ball.

Anywho, I'm excited. I am back to taking 1,000,000 pills a day. But, I remember that the best health time of my last decade was when I was seeing Dr. K and Dr. A and taking 1,000,000 pills and tinctures a day. Last time I checked vitamins and minerals are actually required for your body to work properly.

Whoo Hoo!!

New glasses

I don't have a very strong prescription, but these help with eyestrain a lot.

I also finished getting all the colour out of my hair. Yay.

I have a master plan, but the first step was getting it back to it's natural colour.

Crazy dreams

I occasionally get these "blast from the past" dreams. I'm sure everyone does (I tell myself that to stay sane.) Dreams where you can see, hear, smell, and touch the object of the dream. Sometimes it sets my day on it's ear. I get to see people that I will always adore. And, I saw them as they would be today, not as they're locked in my memory banks - 20 years younger.

It was crazy, it was awesome, it was heart yanking, it was bittersweet, it was an all encompassing emotional ride that I wasn't conscious for. All I'm left with when I finally come to is a strange combination of happiness from being visited and unsettledness for knowing that I will never, realistically, ever see these people again.

Makes for a mixed bag of feelings at 6:30 a.m.

Hopefully, coffee will chase some of the mixture away.

I'm a felon

Nice. We got our 2% Costco Executive Membership reward coupon in the mail the other day.
Somebody slammed it in the bank and went to get groceries.

Then all of a sudden, our account is in the red??? Confused? You betcha.

I guess I should've looked a little harder and noticed the word *COUPON* and not cheque like in previous years. Oops. Is oops a viable defense for theft?

Add robber to my impressive resume. Oy.

This is me and the kids and my new haircut. I thought the jelly would add a nice textural quality to the image, so we smeared it all over their faces. I think it adds a certain jenasayquaw? (that's as good as my french is - I apologize to Mrs What'sherface that failed me in Grade 8)

So, there's the mandatory picture. Now what?? It's been a long time. It's spring. I like spring. My child who is allergic to every possible environmental allergen known to man (minus dogs and cats) does not like spring. Damn eczema.
Spring feels like a time for new beginnings. I always feel a little more hopeful in spring. I look forward to the growth that spring can bring. I'm a hound for growth. I feel like I'm on this never ending quest for Peace. Peace isn't really my best friend. We've met each other a few times, but we tend to be more casual acquaintances than anything else. I want to take it to the next level with Peace. I'm not sure exactly how I'm going to woo Peace, but I will get it and I will make it mine. Mark my words.

I've gone through a very cathartic weekend. Excellent for the soul. Nudges me towards Peace just a little bit more. It almost feels like a blockage that didn't allow my air to get all the way down to my belly has been removed. I'm a little more lighthearted. I'm a little more relieved. I'm a little less guilty and I feel comfort. Good things for me to feel. Cause sometimes my innards can be more like a sack o'potatoes than anything else. And if this teeny tiny lightening of my spirit is any indication of what I'm after....damn when I finally nab that Peace for my own, it's going to heaven.