I just set up my treadmill!!

I'm part of a shopping club that meets every month. I won for January and hadn't spent my money yet...so I got Michael to pick up the cheap, manual treadmill that Superstore has this week.

It's manual for sure. And I'm out of shape for sure. But, I'm dedicated to getting healthy and if this will help me manage my maniac stress/anxiety issue, then cheap, manual, foldable treadmill it is. I'm not the person who's gonna go for a walk...with 2 or 4 children in tow. So much for stress relief!

I've decided that I have to avoid the morning chaos for a while. I'll make Josh's lunch the night before, but I have to wait until some of the whirling dervish that is the morning dissipates before I can come downstairs. Maybe that'll be the perfect time to treadmill??

Hope I don't break a hip! LOL

I'm a little confused

The doctor did not say "YOU have bipolar affective disorder". But, she is treating my imbalances the way you would treat a patient with bipolar. So, I'm confused. If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck...is it a duck??? I don't know. (bearing in mind that she also had the wrong test results, pc problems and a pda that was kinda hiccuppy.)

Michael is disputing that it is what I think it is. But, I wonder if it's just a matter of avoidance?? Not sure. I think I just need to call the doctor for clarification. On one hand, it doesn't really matter - this is a label...and the labels don't necessarily matter. I'm moving ahead with the doctor's plan. On the other hand, I have to wrap my head around the whole thing. I just don't know.

I've asked for support from my husband. He often misinterprets "support" for "solution". *I've heard boys can do this??* The solution is something my doctor and I will work towards...I don't need solutions. I need support. The crappy part is, I don't even know what that looks like. So, he's completely confused as to what I need. I'm totally confused, so I don't know what to tell him - and around and around we go. ARGH!

I'll talk to the pharmacist tomorrow. And, put a call in to the doctor for a little more info.

Sigh

And the winner is...........

some other lady!!!!!

I'm sitting down with the doctor and she's got the results of my labs in front of her:
CBC looks good.
Fasting blood sugar looks good.
Vitamin D is a little low
TSH 1.75 - really good (all things considered)
No antibodies present (I had my thyroid removed because of the antibodies that were attacking it???)

So, it's all looking very mysterious. My blood work is perfect. All except some low Vitamin D - to which I say "Welcome to Canada." What the heck????

All fine and good...she needs to go to her office for her prescription pad and I say..."What about my adrenals? How was my cortisol level??" She hands me the big pile of results and says "Take a look - I don't remember seeing it on there."

I'm checking it out and writing down the results of the things I thought might be interesting to have. There is no cortisol level. There is no Free T3 and Free T4 levels....weird....I look at the top of the sheet....well, last time I check I'm not Sandra Reeve (name changed to protect the innocent, poor dear with her decreased vitamin D level :( ).

So, we were checking the results of some other lady's blood work. Nice.

Bring on the accurate blood work.
High TSH - indicating more hypo than normal. Not surprised.
Cortisol a.m. level - 329 between 120 and 620 is normal - she'd like it to be higher though.
Free T4 - 9.2 - indicating more of the same...hypo.
Vitamin A - low
Vitamin B12 - wants to see it better - it's 177 - she'd like to see 500
no results for Vitamin D - poor Sandra and that low D level :(
Thyroid antibodies - 49
On an upside...I'm not in menopause :) Maybe I should have another baby.



ROFLMAO...NOT

I have to go to a compounding pharmacy to get the supplements she wants me to start taking. I need Vitamin A, a sublingual (under your tongue) B12 supplement, something called MABA, which I know nothing about, I think it's a combination of three different amino acids.
Tyrosine, which apparently, transmits nerve impulses to the brain, helps overcome depression; Improves memory; increases mental alertness; promotes the healthy functioning of the thyroid, adrenal and pituitary glands.
and Tryptan this medication is used in addition to antidepressants in the treatment of bipolar affective disorder. It works by affecting the levels of certain chemicals called neurotransmitters in the brain.

I guess this could explain the roller coaster that is my day to day experience (and everyone unlucky enough to know the real me.)

So, there ya have it. Nutritional changes as well. No more coffee. No more caffeine. No more unstable fats (vegetable oil, margarine), no more sugar, no more white flour. Luckily, I'd committed to changing my lifestyle the morning of my first doctor's appointment. And, I feel much better for it, so I don't think sticking with a new way of eating is going to be as difficult as it has been in the past. I've already lost 31 lbs in the last 6 months...so there are obvious advantages!

Let the healing begin.

Countdown to the results!!

Tomorrow at 2:45, I see my doctor.

I can't wait.

I hope those 7 vials have unearthed something. I really, really, really hope.

I've been reading The Mood Cure by Julia Ross. Very interesting read. Full of information that I'm in a really good head space to read. I've been completely convinced that diet had everything to do with Josh's eczema over the years and now it's looking like diet may just have a lot to do with my depression. Hmmm...you mean you can't eat carbs 24/7 and still feel healthy, vital, energetic, spontaneous and enthusiastic?? How odd. But, all that glue makes you feel good when you eat it??? Oh well. I'm inclined to believe the people on the fringe of the health care system a little more than I buy what the "usual suspects" are selling. How surprising that the medical associations would tell us to eat "this" and we get sick?? Wouldn't they be cutting their noses off to spite their faces if they created a healthy Canada??

I'm not very good at patting myself on the back - but I will give myself this....I have not been interested in taking the crappy, quacky diagnosis' that I've received laying down. Sometimes you have to just keep looking. Keep digging. Keep refusing to believe what you know in your heart of hearts isn't true. You will eventually stumble upon someone who doesn't think it's your weight or your age, your marital condition, your stay at home momness, or the amount of kids you have...it might just be your health. Hmmm.

Now it may seem...

that all I've done lately is relax. What with the Saturday of leisure and the Thursday of the Full Body Rub Down (where's a cloud9 emoticon when you need one?)
But, I gotta tell ya. Lately, I've been held together by one soggy piece of duct tape and a paper clip. So, this is something that has to be done - for the safety of my family and my self.
I'm thankful that I can do it. I wasn't able to do any of these things a few years ago...but I'm really thankful to be in a place where it's not a matter of decompressing versus groceries.

I saw a new doctor this past Wednesday. She sent me for blood tests. Part of the coming apart at the seams thing has to do with my missing thyroid gland. Things have been even worse since it's come out. There was a brief reprieve, when I started some new meds...but all in all - I'm unraveling quickly and with a house full of children and a puppy (where's a bang your head against the wall emoticon when you need one?) there isn't a whole lot of room for error.

This new doctor, Dr. Deborah Andrew, sent me for blood work. 7 vials of bloodwork, I might add, and I'm sooooo hopeful that she will be able to help me find some closure on this damn problem. She refused to prescribe me an anti-depressant. She doesn't feel it's necessary to keep trying the same thing over and over again - since it hasn't worked in the past. Interesting. I'm used to being written a script and ta da - I'm done. Every damn time I'm given a script - I walk out of the doctors office with this little white piece of hope. And every damn time - I walk back in without any results. 7 antidepressants later - here we are. A doctor who isn't interested in the easy/obvious fix. Especially, since it hasn't ever fixed. (where's a sigh emoticon when you need it?)

I'm encouraged. I'm hopeful (with a dash of leery). She recommended a book called The Mood Cure. I've been reading it and am completely blown away by it's accuracy to my case. I'm at a stage in my life and health, where I'd do anything - eat desiccated dog poo even - if it was going to help me feel well and enjoy my life and not ruin my family with my extreme, unmanageable mood swings. I'm curious to see what these 7 vials of blood have to say. She's checked things that have never been looked at before. They happily yanked my thyroid gland, without so much as a visit to an endocrinologist and now, FINALLY, someone is going to act like a scientist and actually try to help me.

I'm angry and I'm bitter at the whole damn health care system (at least the part I've had contact with.) because of their lack of curiosity. Their desire to just pump us through, because they have to see 30 more people this a.m. to make their quota (I don't even know if that's true, but it certainly seems like it.) I've been to doctors that I've walked in, told them what I thought was wrong, and they prescribed something - without barely an upward glance. (where's a suspicious/paranoid emoticon when you need it?). And, now, with this book, and this new doctor, it's looking like a lot of concerns I have can be addressed and dealt with nutritionally and with amino acids. And not amino acids forever, amino acids until my seratonin, catecholamines (dopamine, norepinephrine and adrenaline), adrenals and endorphine levels are returned to their rightful place. This is all. It just seems fecking insane to me. That I know people who have had electro-shock therapy because of such severe depression - and I can almost guarantee, no one has checked these brain functions on them. This is too holisitic-y. Too out there. Too cheap in the long run (where's the roll my eyes emoticon when I need it?)

So, anyway....I just wanted to spill all that. I'm going to consider this year, 2007, my Journey to Wholeness year. There's so much more too it - this is the tip of the iceberg - but you gotta start somewhere and this is where. I think that if I could actually get some energy and some joi d'vivre - I might be able to face the other obstacles that stand in my way of being the person I was meant to be. The wife I was meant to be. The mother I was meant to be. The friend...the freakin' next door neighbour...you get the picture.

If you're reading and are a praying person - please pray for me. I can't right now...it's one of my hurdles. But I believe in the healing power of prayer. I believe in praying for wisdom and guidance. I would really appreciate any prayers or kind, positive thoughts you would put out there for me. I need them. My family needs them. We're a bunch of hurting units right now and it's going to be an interesting journey.

Full Body Massage

Yeaaahh baybeee! That's more like it.


And a tea date - life is good.

Until tomorrow.
(wow! that sounds pessimistic!)

Day of chillaxin'

Ahhh, that was a nice day! Note how many times I use leisure in this enrapturing commentary :p

Michael is heading down to Canmore soon to hang out with a bunch of old high school buddies. He found a great 2 story condo at a resort there and since it's off season, he's getting a screaming deal. He suggested I find a friend and go there to check it out...this weekend. Uhh, not really that feasible. So, I suggested a variation of his idea.

I took today off. :)

I slept in (till 9 - I suck at sleeping in). I talked to my best friend while lounging in bed, a la my single years. I had a leisurely shower...even plucked my eyebrows! Amazing, I tell ya.
Then, I met Miriam for a leisurely brunch at the Queens Atrium. Then I bought two cool new necklaces to add to my expanding cool necklace collection. Then I bought a couple of books recommended by my new doctor (another story unto itself). Then I leisurely, doodled around Southgate, bought some lipgloss at M.A.C. (another foray into the unknown). Booked myself a full body massage at Eveline Charles for Thursday - to use up the remainder of a gift card I've been carrying in my wallet for ....uhhh...3 years or so (oops). It was just a lazy, delightful, self absorbed day of goodness. I got home at 5:30, the babysitter came at 6:00 and Mick and I went to That's Aroma for dinner.

That, my friends, was my kind of day. I really could handle being a lady of leisure!!!

Leisure is good.

Happy Birthday Meghan!!!!

My Meggie Moo has just turned two!!! Look at that face. She's such a pudding pop! They had more fun with these balloons than anything else they received. How typical. Megalicious made it about 1 hour and 10 minutes in that dress. Then she was DONE! This is one baby who loves the skin she's in.
Well, if you read about Matthew, you'll know that I remember none of it. Good thing there are photos. I can muster up some sort of vague, dreamlike recollection of some sort of vague, dreamlike time we've had in the past two years. All I know for sure, is that these babies make my heart feel something that it's never felt before. And, I like it :)

Happy Birthday Matthew!!!

My littlest baby is 2!!! I can't fathom where the time has gone. I just don't know. And, you couldn't pay me to know, since I think my brain fell out with the placenta. :)
Hard to believe my big meatball was only 5 lbs 16 oz at birth. The kids got a head like a helmet. We're not sure what happened to his lip. There were no witnesses. I have a couple of guesses...one is furry, one is his wombmate. She can be a little bit of an....uhmm...enforcer.

Happy Birthday Baby Boy!!!

Two two year olds

How about that??

Crazy!